Anyone who can help.

So I haven’t been on here in a while. But lately I’ve been really struggling. So I’m back in hopes that anyone can help me.


We have still been trying to get pregnant. And still no luck. It has been over a year. Anyone who has had a miscarriage and then gotten pregnant again, did you do anything special? Or just anyone in general who has been pregnant, what did you do? I’m just so ready and I’m to the point that I feel like I’m never going to get there.


A lot of people just say “It’s God’s timing” and all that but I’m having a hard time with that as I watch other people’s situations. Everyone seems to be having such an easy time. Left and right, a new person announcing their pregnancy every day. And I also read a lot that God wouldn’t put you through anything you can’t handle and that everything happens for a reason. But I just can’t seem to understand why I’m being put through this. I struggle enough with my previous lost pregnancies. But then not being able to get pregnant is just another terrible thing. For a person who wants kids so badly, to be having such a hard time, WHY? And I am having a hard time believing that I can handle much more.


I honestly just feel like my life is at a hault  right now. We are ready for kids and I feel like it’s all I can think about. I can’t continue on with life with such a huge part missing. Kids.


And yes everyone likes to give the great advice that ” maybe if you just don’t think about it, it will happen.” Well for anyone that is in similar shoes, you know that it’s just not that easy!!! Please anyone help. I’ll take all the advice I can get.


Thank you!


It’s happening!

Although I am hesitant to write this…

After a year and a half of trying, I AM FINALLY PREGNANT.

I took the test last Wednesday and it came back positive so fast. I am having all the symptoms. I could not be more excited! But at the same time,worried. I just want everything to go well this time. I want our baby to be healthy and growing.

My first ultrasound is on March 1st! Only 1 week and 6 days away, but who’s counting?! lol I can’t wait to see our baby! It still feels surreal, but I am so ready for this journey!

I do ask that you pray and keep me in your thoughts that all will be well.

Thanks for following my journey so far. 🙂

I have finally found how I can help

I am officially moving forward with the bag idea. We have named it Hayden’s Bag after the baby that I lost. We are currently in one hospital and we are wanting to expand as soon as possible. I have created a facebook page about the bags and I hope that everyone will take a moment to go check it out and “like” it. Thank you so much for all of the support!!!

Can’t get this off of my mind.

I have such an overwhelming feeling and I don’t know what to do. I can’t help but feel like there is something I should be doing. I want more people to know about miscarriage. I want to be like a spokesperson for miscarriage. But I don’t even know how I would go about doing that. Or what I would do. I just want to get the word out that this DOES happen! I feel like no one talks about it and then women are blindsided. And then they don’t know what to expect or how to cope. It makes me feel like there is some way I can help. With friends and clients that I have at work, I am the person that helps. People that I’m friends with on Facebook, whether we talk all the time or not, will come to me to ask questions about what to expect and if what they are feeling is normal. I want to be that person for everyone! I want people to know what to expect and how to cope before it happens to them.

How could I go about doing this? What could I do to help people? Please…. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. Because I can’t shake this feeling that I should be doing something. Thanks so much in advance!!!!

In need of some help/advice.

So to quickly preface.. We got married in August and have been trying to get pregnant since then. My husband’s brother got married in September and have been trying to get pregnant for about 3 months or so.

My husband told me that he thinks his brother and sister-in-law are pregnant just by some signs he noticed this weekend. His brother is trying to get everyone together the end of June…like the whole family-both sides, we think to spill the news.

This was a fear that I had when I found out they had started trying. Because we still haven’t gotten pregnant. I am excited for them if that’s what it is but as anyone knows who has had a miscarriage, even though it’s family, it doesn’t make it any easier.

My dilemma is, I want them to understand what I’m going through so that they aren’t accidentally insensitive  about it but I also don’t want them to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me. I considered writing them a letter to help them understand but I don’t know what I should say. Could someone please help me???

Or should I just fake being happy and not say anything even though I’m hurting?

I just want them to know that I’m happy for them but if I don’t seem like myself, I want them to understand why.

They know now about the miscarriage but I don’t think they (like many) understand the real impact is has had on my life and they daily struggle that I have.

Please help! Any advice would be fantastic.

Today was a bad day.

Today was a bad day for me. As everyone knows, I have been anxiously awaiting and trying to get pregnant. So, I have a hard time hearing about other people’s pregnancies. While doing my client’s hair today, another stylist was bringing over her client to sit right next to my station. As she was sitting down you could see that she was very happy and waiting to burst at the seams about something that she wanted to tell the stylist. As soon as she had a second, she blurted “I’m pregnant! I literally just got off the phone with the doctor! My husband doesn’t even know.” After some hugs and squeals, the stylist then started to do her hair. For the next 45 minutes I got to listen to her call every relative and/or friend in her contacts list to tell them that she was pregnant. Am I happy for her? Sure. Does this still upset me? Yes. I just get so upset because I want that to be me. I want to be so excited and calling all my relatives to tell them the great news. I also get upset because I feel like with pregnancy complications in my past, I am not going to be able to do this when I get pregnant. I feel like I will get excited, but not TOO excited because I know that having a miscarriage is possible. I then have to hinder my excitement  so that if something does happen, I won’t be so disappointed. It’s like preparing for the worst. Not the best. And I feel like I am not going to want to tell anyone. Because in the past, I have told people and then something has happened. And having to go back and tell people that you gave such great news to, that your baby died, is the worst feeling. I am not going to have the opportunity to be so care-free and telling everyone I see about a pregnancy that I just found out about. Because I have to “proceed with caution” because I know bad things can happen. The  whole thing just upsets me and it was hard for me to just listen and keep a happy face and pretend I’m fine. When inside, I’m falling apart.

I just can’t wait for the day that I find out I’m pregnant. It will be such a blessing.

I just keep praying that that day is sometime soon… 🙏🏻

Feeling very distraught…

So after the events of last week…I am feeling very down.

This time I really thought I was pregnant..even when I found out that it could be the medicine. I keep holding on to the fact that they hopefully did a blood pregnancy test and maybe…just maybe it will be positive. I know that seems stupid to say because my period came. But it came for 3 days and now it’s kind of stopped. So I pretty much have no idea what’s going on. It’s so frustrating for me because I feel like I’m supposed to know what’s going on. And it’s hard to help my husband fully understand what is happening when I don’t even know myself. I go to the doctor on April 7th to hopefully get some answers. But until then, I’m just confused and very upset.

I still haven’t told my mom that I got my period. Even though every day she anxiously asks me if I’ve gotten my blood test results yet. I’m just not ready to disappoint her. I don’t know if I will ever be ready. I might just wait until I go to the doctor and she tells me that the blood pregnancy test is negative to tell her.


When am I ever going to just have everything figured out?

A frustrating, disappointing and upsetting false alarm.

So my period was supposed to start March 18th. On March 23rd when it still hadn’t arrived, to a person who is trying to conceive, this was exciting! ” Yes, finally all my hard work has paid off! I hope I’m pregnant! ” Well, before you get too excited, I took a pregnancy test which quickly started to dwindle my hopes when to my surprise, it was negative. I tried to remain positive thinking that maybe it was just too early to test, but on the 25th with another negative pregnancy test in hand, I was upset. How could this be? My period had never been late before…and it wasn’t like it was only one day late. We were on a week!

On a quick back-track note: I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism about a month ago, which resulted in me starting thyroid medication.

BUT, when all this was going on, I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that a new medication could possibly be causing this. Of course I had to Google investigate. When I did some research, I found that if your dose of thyroid medication was wrong, then it COULD effect your period. UGH! Why don’t doctors warn you about stuff like this! Especially when they know that we are trying to conceive.

So I went and had blood work done on the 26th, because I have a very strong feeling that my dose is too high. When they asked what symptoms I had to support my opinion, among some other things, I told them about the missed period and they seemed slightly surprised. So, I asked if they could do a blood pregnancy test just to be sure. Even though every at home test has already confirmed that I am NOT pregnant. :/

Wellllll then wouldn’t you know it, when I got home from work today after feeling kind of crampy and not so good all day, my period has started. One week and two days late.

What a disappointment.

And on top of that, I told my mom about all of this when I suspected that it was my medication doing this, because she has been on thyroid medication for a long time and I figured she could give me some answers. Well now, she keeps trying to tell me that she thinks I could be wrong and maybe I am pregnant. Her hopes are up and I can tell she’s excited, so I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that my period started. I’m so upset. Not only am I disappointed and upset myself, but now I feel like she will be too. I feel bad letting other people down even though I have no control over it.


If one more person tells me to ” Travel “……

Ohhhhhhkay so this is a little bit of a “vent.” I am a hair stylist so I talk to a lot of people throughout the day. And it seems that every time I tell someone that I just got married in August, their first response is

“Oh, wait as long as you can before you have kids. Travel and have fun.”

What?! How did we even go there? One second you’re asking if I’m married, and when I tell you, that’s what you say?? To which I most of the time quickly respond

“We want to have kids soon actually.”

Because god forbid I don’t say that and get pregnant soon and they think that it accidentally happened.

I just don’t understand what these people are thinking. First of all, it’s not like I’m 16. I’m old enough to have children. And yes, I know what having children means as far as my life goes. But, it’s not like I’m looking to go and party it up anyways. I am ready to have children and so is my husband, so what’s the problem? And second…travel? It’s not like just because we don’t have kids, we are just going to jump in the car and travel the world. We may not have children, but we do have jobs. And we don’t really travel as it is, so why go out of my way to make sure that we are traveling, just so that after that we can have kids. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I just wish that people would stop being so quick to judge. Because that’s what it feels like…judgement.

I am going to do what I feel is best for me and my husband’s life regardless of what people say, but it just gets under my skin. I have finally started to stop over stressing about getting pregnant and I am just letting life take it’s course. It’s still kind of hard sometimes to do that, but I am really trying my best and my life has been so much more relaxing. 🙂